In an effort to overcome my current and continuous struggles of ennui with my life and writing, edging towards apathy and hopelessness, I’ve decided to revisit something that once left me excited to write, even if a bit frustrated at the end where one tends to drift into that typical grad-student “over-it-ness” and you can’t look at your writing even one more time: my dissertation on nutrition and ADHD.

No, I won’t post it for your viewing displeasure (although, it was pretty good, if I might say so), nor will I paraphrase the 15,000 words I’ve tucked away for the past two years. What I hope to do is use the lessons I’ve learned and researched in an attempt to redefine the structure of our home over the coming weeks. One thing this current stage of life has taught me is: I cannot stand taking care of others (at least in the way it is determined by motherhood). No, I do not know where your shit is. No, I do not know what’s for dinner. Yes, we ARE out of groceries. That tends to happen when one does not go grocery shopping.

This is not to throw shade at my family. In fact, the very reason these questions are hurled in my direction are out of one primary reason: habit. I’ve allowed the habits to form and persist and now it is time to break them. The ADHD part is the tricky part. I need to somehow build positive, beneficial habits that replace the laziness and belief that foods magically appear in our home, and I have to do this while grappling with my own challenged executive functioning.

So, what does it look like?

• Implementing a revolving door of grocery trips to buy only what we will actually consume (going back Germany-style) on account of our current economy and cost of living, as well as my disgust for consumerism and false abundance
• Designating the “cook of the day” and their chosen meal
• Phasing out the snacks and ultra processed foods, replacing with healthier options (but not all of it – I’m not a monster)

What helped in the past was assigning themes to days of the week (taco Tuesday, anyone?!), but this was back in my 20s when I thought I was kicking ass by pouring a bottle of Sweet Baby Rays into a slow cooker with a pork butt and adding a side of tater tots to the menu. God, I miss those days. If anyone tells you “knowledge is power”, they are a belying hag who wants you to be unhappy. Knowledge just leads to misery, not enlightenment.

Overriding systems of thinking and being is difficult in the best of times, not that I wish to stifle someone’s way of being in this world, but this house is neurodivergent AF (“as f**k”) and requires a bit of structure as I transition to my beautiful “f**k off” stage of life. I may be tempted to quit before I ever get started, so I’m doing this in baby-steps.

Step one: a dry-erase [weekly] calendar for the family and we’re assigning cooks! Three adults, 6 days in the week. What could go wrong?

[You might be wondering what happened to the 7th day of the week – no, we don’t follow some alternate calendar. Friday night is pizza night with our new pizza oven, and that’s just fun.]

I just wonder…does my gardening count as my grocery shopping? I think it should.

I’d love to hear about other tips and tricks you are willing to share!