A couple of weeks ago I set out to redefine the dynamics of our household cooking routine. I created a chart on our whiteboard and explained to everyone that they would need to claim one or two days to cook. The results so far are mixed.

The first week went well. We had our weekly pizza night and game night with friends (which, we decided are also activities and don’t quite count), which left my partner and I each making two meals and our son making one. Whether because of the novelty or because he had never made us dinner, the only meal I actually remember from this initial week was that of my son’s. He is heavily influenced by Korean culture through his best friend and his girlfriend, so he chose bibimbap (I think).

Unfortunately, we quickly fell off the wagon due to events and a houseguest, but there was some loose interpretation of the schedule that somewhat followed the division of labor (mostly involving my partner and I, plus take-out). Now that our life has calmed down, once again, the experiment will resume and a new conundrum will be remedied: who gets the groceries?

What I learned from this experience is this: the mental load I feel as a mom, wife, and woman is heavy and creates a constant haze around my mind. Delegating even just a single task that frees up space in my brain three nights a week is freeing (although, I’m still roped into their meal nights in some tertiary way). And this freedom speaks to a much larger oppression I suspect many face as either a woman or the person who finds themselves always thinking 10 steps ahead, does the lion’s share of care-taking in the home, and is everyone’s everything, everyday. The finder, the fixer, the maker, the listener. The advice giver, the guru, the guide, and then the person they go to when shit goes south.

So, moms, dads, household strategists…I encourage you to try this method out because your kids (and everyone) will benefit by learning new skills (cooking and planning), as well as cooperation and equality. And maybe it won’t fix every societal problem, but it might slowly dismantle the notion that “making dinner is women’s work”.